Today felt harder.
I have been doing everything right; BFR, PowerDot, strength work, flexion practice. The knee has been improving, and yet something about today hit me differently.
A beyond shitty day with needless dithering delaying, procrastination, sloppiness at work which resulted in me feeling too shattered for the gym. I thought to compensate I’d test my flexion and it’s the reminder that full flexion still is not there; that the meniscus probably has not healed, even though I have been lifting heavy without pain. It is frustrating.
I iced today; not because of sharp pain, but as a pre-emptive strike. I have been pushing flexion more, and my instinct said to protect the joint. That is growth too; learning to listen, not just push.
Still, it is hard to feel emotionally up when physically I am still in limbo. The surgery is getting closer. I know I am prepared. I know I have done the work. But right now, I am just feeling the weight of it all.
And that is okay.
This is not weakness. It is part of the recovery. The uncertainty, the patience, the mental dips; they are all part of what I signed up for when I said I would come back stronger than before. I am in the trench today. But I will not stay here.
Tomorrow, I get up again.
